Always
by Alaudelle
Summary: Always means forever. Always by your side.  oneshot - finished


Fandom: Ao no Exorcist

Pairing: Shima/Rin

Rating: R

Summary: always means forever.

A/N: After a long long time, I'm writing again! I don't know what got into me to write this, actually. I have a huge list but… I started listening to Mass in C Minor: Kyrie by Mozart and all I could think of were Rin's thoughts. Oh well, I hope you like it~

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><p><strong>ALWAYS<strong>

What is the point of all this… I can't move any further. My legs won't just take a single step further. There's nothing there, nothing for me to reach for. Everything's dark. Everything I worked to get...

I never had anything. And what I had I didn't cherish. I was too young, too little to realize. Too naïve to even be told the reasons why I...

Now I had something. Something I could call my own. Something I was pretty aware of. I had friends. People who were around me and didn't care about my past. People who laughed with me, even if sometimes they laughed at me. I couldn't care less. I could see their smiles, I could be the cause of them. They were there. They accepted me.

But they didn't know the truth.

They didn't know what was behind the mask they saw. Even if the mask was also true. It wasn't a fake face. It wasn't a fake me, the me they knew. It was just one side of it. They knew the best of me. And I lived in fear of what would happen when the day came. When they came to know the real me, the one I was trying so hard to hide from them.

The one I was trying to protect them from.

I always knew this day would come. Even if my brother told me to hide my powers. Even if that boobies girl told me the same thing. How could I? How could I simply shut up and watch them risk their lives for things that should be happening to me and only me? Why would I let them fight for my sake… die by my… my other brother's hands… No, that's not the way I am.

I couldn't let them risk their precious lives. I simply couldn't let them die.

And now… here I am. Standing alone. Letting the rain pour and soak my clothes without moving, without doing anything to stop it. I will get a cold. But what is a cold… to the son of Satan?

That's what I am. I stopped being Rin when I let them see. When they got aware of my blue flames.

But it's okay. They're safe now. I saved them. From Amaimon. And now I saved them from myself. They'd be better without me. Their lives won't be at such a risk without me around. This was for the best. Things should be like this. I should have never entered the Academy. They wouldn't be wounded like this, they wouldn't have gone through all this danger and suffering… and betrayal.

Because I betrayed them.

"_Who are you trying to deceive, Rin?_"

Uh? Wh-who are you?

"_Who are you trying to deceive with those words, with those thoughts?_"

I… I know this voice. It's piercing my head…

"_Yam dunnimittam avamangalanca, Avamangalanca dunnimittam Yam, yo ca manapo sakunassa saddo; yo ca manapo sakunassa Saddo; papaggaho dussupinam akantam, akantam dussupinam papaggaho, buddhanubhavena vinasam-entu. vinasam buddhanubhavena-ENTU._"

What is that… this voice… I know this voice. Who are you? Why are you doing this to me? My blood is burning me… Would you… would you please stop… STOP IT DAMNIT!

"_I can't._"

Why… why can't you? It hurts…

"_I'm protecting you._"

Protecting me? Who would want to protect me? Even my friends will abandon me now that… now that they know what I really am. Friends… just when I found some… ridiculous…

"_But we love you, Rin._"

We? Who are you?

"_Yam dunnimittam avamangalanca, Avamangalanca dunnimittam Yam, yo ca manapo sakunassa saddo; yo ca manapo sakunassa Saddo; papaggaho dussupinam akantam, akantam dussupinam papaggaho, dhamanubhavena vinasam-entu. vinasam dhamanubhavena-ENTU_."

AAAARGH! STOP IT! MY HEAD IS GONNA EXPLODE!

"_If I stop it, we'll lose you. I'll lose you._"

I'm weak… I am so weak… He's coming. He's coming for me. He wants to break me, to rip the flesh off my bones. He wants to kill me, and you… you are making me weaker with these words… Are you... what are you…

"Should I just do this then?"

Rin's body shivered.

He felt two slender arms gently wrapping around his neck, resting in his shoulders, a light body pressed against his back. It was warm. Really warm. What was that feeling... he couldn't tell. But he felt a knot in his throat, tears wanting to explore the world outside and trace lines down his face.

He felt lips brushing against his cheek. They were smiling lightly, mildly. He suddenly felt an unexpected peace taking over his body, controlling him, his limbs going all numb and relaxed.

"Is this better, Rin?"

"S-Shima…?"

Nodding briefly the semi-transparent body of the boy placed himself in front of Rin, making the son of Satan kneel as he felt his strength leaving his body. Tilting his head, he smiled warmly, grabbing the dark haired boy's cheeks with both hands, kneeling as well.

"Rin, I'm protecting you. I'm by your side."

"For how long… for how long until you too get scared of my real self… and disappear and run away?"

"Always."

Renzou smiled, lifting Rin's chin, allowing his lips to find the other's, kissing him softly, almost innocently, as if Rin was a porcelain doll about to break. The dark haired boy's arms reached up and grabbed Shima's arms.

Warm. So warm. Even if it was a vision, even if it was his mind playing games… Shima still felt so warm. He didn't want to let go. He kissed him back fiercely, needing. But the other only broke the kiss gently and laughed tenderly, making Rin laugh as well.

"Will you let me save you?"

"Can you?"

"I will take you out of here, Rin. The rest is up to you."

Nodding, Rin stood up, grabbing Shima's hand as he helped the other.

"Will you be there... when I wake up?"

Smiling gently once again, the vision of his lover nodded, starting to fade.

"Always, Rin. Always."


End file.
